


Ladies Gardening Club and Orgy

by FailureArtist



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anal Sex, Cunnilingus, Multi, Polyamory, authorial taste in movies, consensual hypnosis, could be overage depending on your imagination, kink discussion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-18
Updated: 2012-10-18
Packaged: 2017-11-16 14:05:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/540262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FailureArtist/pseuds/FailureArtist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jake discovers his hypnosis fetish and Jane and Dirk have fun with it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>  <a>From the kink meme</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	Ladies Gardening Club and Orgy

“I don’t see how this remake is supposed to be better than the original,” Dirk said to Jake for the millionth time in their relationship.

Dirk, Jake, and Jane were watching the remake of “The Manchurian Candidate” on TV. Because it was TV, there were plenty of commercial breaks for them to have serious film discussions during.

“Because it’s in color!” Jake answered.

“I already know your unwavering bias against films not splashed with cerulean and tangerine, so let’s build from there. Other than the film stock, what makes this film better than the original?”

“One, the title of this one makes more sense because this Raymond Shaw chap is actually a candidate and not a, um, accountant or whatever bollock’s loser job he had in the original. And two, implanted brain gizmos are way more scientific than hypnosis!”

“I won’t whip out my analysis on the character of Raymond Shaw and how awesomely loser bollocks he is, but I must defend hypnosis. It has been scientifically established for hundreds of years.”

“Hypnosis is just a load of stage magic, right Jane?”

Jane turned away from the commercials. “Just because it can be performed on the stage doesn’t mean it isn’t real. It can be used as a form of therapy.”

“You sound like Miss Rose with her head-shrinking ideas.”

“Her phallic obsession with Freud’s cigar aside,” Dirk said, “Hypnosis does induce an altered state of mind.” 

 “Hmph, only on folks whose brains have already been so altered they’re as soft as a damn bowl of porridge.”

“I could totally alter your mind and make you do whatever I want.”

Jake paused at Dirk’s comment.

Jane cried, “Cool beans, you know hypnosis!”

“Yes, I have studied it and I’ve often hypnotized myself,” Dirk answered.

“Hey, why don’t you hypnotize Jake! That would show him it’s real.”

“If he agrees.”

They turned to Jake.

“Um, I’ll do it,” he said unsurely, and then added bravely, “But you’ll have a bugger of a time with my iron-clad mind.”

“The fucking density of your head has nothing to do with one’s susceptibility to hypnosis, as I will soon school your ass in.”

“This sounds like a better way to spend an afternoon than watching ten minutes of movie broken by five minutes of commercials,” Jane said.

She took the remote and before Jake could stop her she turned off the TV.

“Couldn’t we have waited till it was over?” Jake complained, “Blast it, that’s why you should never let a female near the remote.”

“Chill it,” replied Dirk, “You’ve seen the ending before and it’s not like this fucking movie doesn’t play every other day on this channel.”

“I suppose I can watch it some other time. Let’s get this charade over with.”

“Then it’s on.” Dirk got up. “Let me make a few adjustments to the room.”

He drew the blinds and closed the doors and looked over at Jane.

“Are you going to stay for this exhibition?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for anything. I have such great ideas for weird commands!” she cried.

Jake squirmed in his seat.

“Please wait outside until I call you in. You can give me suggestion then and I command Jake to do them. We’ll both watch this fool make a fool of himself.”

“Okay. Wouldn’t want to get hypnotized myself!”

Jane obeyed Dirk and left. Dirk stepped in front of Jake’s line of vision.

“Let us begin,” he said. He pointed to his face. “Look at me and only at me while I speak.”

“Aren’t you going to bring out an old timey pocket watch?” Jake asked.

“Another myth you will learn about hypnosis:  we don’t use movie props.”

“A shame,” mumbled Jake.

“Again: look at me and only me. Listen to my voice as I speak…”

Jake followed Dirk’s voice. When Dirk was sure Jake was hypnotized, he went over and let Jane in.

“Okay,” she said, “While I was out there I made a list of commands…”

\----

Twenty commands and thirty minutes later, a fully-aware Jake stepped out of the bathroom with his hair freshly shampooed.

“That was a rotten thing to do to a chap’s hair,” he whined.

“Sorry,” Jane giggled, “It was so funny.”

“I think it gave your hair a nice shine,” said Dirk.

“At least I could get the egg out of my hair. I can’t say the same for the taste of onion in my mouth.”

“That’s why mouthwash was invented,” Dirk replied.

“Ughh, that’s even worse! I’ll just drown the taste in good ol’ cow’s milk.”

“Good idea,” said Jane.

They all went downstairs to the kitchen. Jake and Jane had milk and Dirk had a soda.

“I suppose I should be glad you didn’t leave a worse taste in my mouth,” Jake said after finishing most of his milk.

“What do you mean by that?” Jane asked.

“That you didn’t make me taste…more illicit things.”

“Like Roxy’s gin? Ughh, I don’t know how she can drink that, tastes like the forest floor.”

“No, not that, I mean…well, you know how you could have made me do anything you wanted?”

“I see where this is going,” Dirk said.

“I don’t,” said Jane, “What do you mean, Jake? Like eating poop?”

“Not exactly that. I mean…you could have gotten me to undress and…”

“Oh, now I see!”

 Dirk sighed. “Jake, honey, dear, other ridiculous terms of endearment, we don’t need to hypnotize you to get you naked. We just have to ask.”

“Yeah, everybody has had sex with you.”

“Don’t say it like that, you make me sound like a damn man-prostiture! I have a unique exclusive relationship with each of you, and with Roxy, though she also has a relationship with Jane, which makes this whole polyamory business even more confusing…”

“Just tell us why we’d go through all the trouble of seducing you with mind powers like some stubborn-ass ingénue in a Victorian melodrama?” Dirk asked.

“You haven’t completely seduced me into compliance.  There are boudoir acts I have refused to do.”

“Oh, this is about the anal thing? Don’t worry, it still counts as consummation when we have our sword duels. Not every man-loving-man’s got to do anal like a porn star with a shitty contract.”

 “I can still get oral from Roxy,” said Jane, “I have to confess I don’t like given it back myself.”

“We give your boundaries so much respect I’d pour one of Roxy’s malt liquor in its honor, if she did deign to drink shit made after the golden era of booze.”

“Thank you, my romantic pals, for respecting my boundaries,” Jake said.

A few moments passed as they drank.

 “You didn’t wipe my memory at any point, did you?” Jake asked.

“No, I wanted you to fucking remember the whole damn experience. Wouldn’t be much of a lesson to you otherwise.”

“Oh, I learned my lesson and I concede defeat as a gentleman should.”

“Did you miss any time?” Jane asked, “Remember all twenty commands?”

“No, all there. Um…yes, it’s all there. No extra commands.”

“Is this about your anal-surprise fears? Cause I’m offended you think I could push you my not-that-little Strider up your tight virgin ass and you wouldn’t feel it afterwards.”

Jake flushed. “Good heavens, I mean no offense to your above-average tom johnson. I would feel that…though…you could have always made it not hurt…and instead make me feel incredibly mind-bending pleasure.”

“You sound…disappointed?” Jane mumbled.

Dirk touched his shades and shook his head. “I should have been wearing the Auto-Responder glasses. He would have seen this coming the moment you got all quiet when I said I could alter your sexy brain.”

“Um, what do you think I mean?” Jake asked.

“Dude, you totally have a hypnosis fetish.”

“A hypnosis fetish! How could I have some deep-seated yen for hypnosis if I didn’t even believe it true only a half hour ago?”

“Maybe you got it the minute you heard my sexy voice talk about it.”

“You rate yourself and your voice too highly. I have no fetishes, except for the blue ladies, and that doesn’t even count since that is just an aesthetic appreciation.”

“No, the blue lady thing has always been a fetish,” said Jane, “And I’m starting to believe Dirk is right about the hypnosis thing.”

“Both of you!” Jake cried, “Trying to head-shrink me like a pretentious tribe of savages! Hmph.”

Jake stomped out.

“That was really racist,” muttered Jane.

\----

Jake spent the rest of the afternoon in his room. That evening, Jane went up to tell him dinner was ready. He said he didn’t want to come down, but as dinner was winding down, he came down. He looked shame-faced.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come down earlier to tuck into one of Crocker’s glorious meals,” he said.

“Thank you, but you don’t need to apologize. I understand if you need some alone time,” Jane answered.

“Yeah, the thing is, I had some alone time, to think, and when I rested from thinking, I decided maybe you were right.”

“About what?”

“About the hypnosis fetish.”

“You’re still on that?” asked Dirk.

“This is an important admittance on my part so you damn well should stop with your devil-may-care attitude!” Jake took in a breath. “I really like being hypnotized.”

“Glad to hear it.”

“We had fun too!” Jane said.

“Yes, we all had fun so I’d like it if we did it again.”

“Can do, anytime,” nodded Dirk, “Sure Jane has more sass-shenanigans.”

“Yes, we can do it again and except you do the things I thought you were going to do?”

“What did you think we were going to do?” asked Jane coyly.

“Yeah, I don’t fucking have the program with me to intuit what predictions you made in the past,” Dirk enjoined.

“Oh gee wilkers damn bother, you’re pulling it out of me,” blustered Jake, “I want you to force me to do any sexual thing you want!”

Dirk smirked while Jane looked a bit sick now that the ignorance game was over. She hadn’t expected he’d actually spit it out.

Dirk answered, “So you do have a hypnosis fetish. Analysis perfect.”

Jake sighed. “Yes, again you are correct, don’t make a conceited fuss about it.”

“But dude, anything? That’s a dangerous opening. We should lay down some ground rules. What things do you not want to do?”

“You know from experience what I don’t want to do! So you’ll hypnotize me into doing that.”

“No, what things do you really <i>really</i> don’t fucking want to do? Things that if we do it and you find out, you’ll call the kink cops.”

“I would never rat on my friends!”

“You might still dump us. Let me make this easy for you: no scat, urine, vomit, or blood?”

“Eww, yes, I mean, of course not.”

“Doesn’t matter, we wouldn’t go there anyway. Is striking okay, as long as we don’t break anything?”

“You know I can take a good whipping.”

“Is your ass off-limits?”

 Jake hung his head and said softly, “No, it’s not off-limits.”

“What about your urethra?” asked Jane, “Is that off-limits?”

“What with my urethra?”

“Think she’s talking about sounding, when you put a long thin rod into the pisshole,” Dirk said.

“Oh Jesus Christ no! How could you think of such a thing, dear Jane?”

“I was just joking!” said Jane, “I just picked a silly orifice and went with it! I’ve never heard of this sounding business!”

“Hmmm,” said Dirk as he gave Jane a sideways look behind his glasses, “Anything else, Jake?”

He said, “Well, I can’t think of anything more, so I’ll just have to trust your own restraints.”

“Of course you can trust us! We didn’t take advantage of you the first time! You remember?”

“Another thing, actually. This time, I’d like to not remember.”

“What? What’s the point if your memory is wiped? Then it’ll be like it never happened.”

“I do want to remember it, not just right away. You give me a trigger phrase while I’m hypnotized and when you say it later, the whole she-bang will come right back to me! I just think it’s sexier that way, don’t inquire why.”

“Triggering you at the wrong time sounds like a really good prank.”

Jake grinned sheepishly. “I know.”

“So what time do you want to start making this repressed memory?” Dirk asked.

“How about we go to my bedroom now?”

\-----

So Jake ended up being mind-controlled between Jane’s legs and into Dirk’s dick. He finally gave Jane some head and Dirk some ass. He was totally naked while his dominators were only as uncovered as they needed to be.

The first thing Dirk and Jane had done was make Jake strip. Dirk ordered Jake to get an erection and then when Jake was fully saluting he told him he couldn’t come until he gave the word. They man-handled Jake a little, giving him slaps and pinches. Dirk took out his dick and told Jake anything he did on Dirk’s dick he’d feel on his own, so Jake had better get sucking if he wanted an orgasm. So Jake did, though he was too distracted by his phantom pleasure to be that good. When Dirk was ready, he worked to get Jake ready to do what he really had been wanting to do with his prudish pal.

Dirk had told Jake he was fine with just frottage, but he had been wishing for anal. He loved Jake’s fine ass and now he got the chance to do something with it without Jake freaking out. He made Jake sit spread knees on the bed with the butt in the air. While the mind-control subject played with Jane’s feet, Dirk played with his ass. When Jake’s asshole was slick and stretched out, Dirk put on a condom (safety fist!) and slide into his unresisting body. It was tight, of course, but Jake wasn’t pushing him out. Instead it felt like he was being sucked in. While Dirk kept his strokes small and weak, Jane took off her underwear and shoved Jake’s face into her crotch. He complied and explored her cave with his brave tongue. Jane was excited. It turned out he wasn’t even in Roxy’s league, but she liked that she was finally getting him to do this. Both Dirk and Jane were getting what they wanted out of Jake.

They had to change positions when Dirk started going harder. Jake was moved so he was bent over the bed so the bed could take the brunt of Dirk’s force instead of Jane’s pubic bone. Jake rubbed his intentionally ignored boner against the edge of the bed, looking for the release he had no permission to get. Dirk wished he knew whether Jake was really getting pleasure from his p-spot or if it was just his mind-control. At least he knew Jake really wanted to try anal and wasn’t just doing it as a favor.  He’d begged for it.  Dirk had thought Jake was totally vanilla like a flat cream soda, but it turned out he had a real kinky side. He’d have to explore that with the Others.

Jane looked seeing the liquid efforts of Jake on his cute little face. She thought if he had a moustache he’d look even cuter. It would sure tickle though.

Dirk came first. He gave three last hard thrusts and came into his condom. Jake gave a long breath out. Dirk wrapped the condom in a tissue, admired how much genetic material he had, threw it away in the waste bucket, and zipped up. He spent his afterglow watching Jake and Jane go at it. Fuck what Roxy said about him being as gay as a seagoat. He liked watching this. 

Jane came in her normal girlish squeals and collapsed flat on the bed. Dirk went over and patted Jake’s head.

“You will now stop,” he said, “and stand straight up.”

Jake uneasily stood up after that ass reaming. Dirk walked up to him and kissed him. His mouth tasted like a girl but Dirk didn’t care. He loved the frustrated moan that vibrated on his lips.

“Your turn, Jane,” he said to her.

Jane got up from her afterglow exhaustion and kissed Jake too.

“Now here’s the final act we’ve all been waiting for,” he said, “Jake, without using your hands, orgasm.”

Jake obeyed this command completely. In an amazing magical trick his trained dick throbbed hard three times and then cum leaped out of it as he screamed powerlessly. The cum reached his glasses and again Dirk and Jane wondered why the ceiling of his old place wasn’t covered in the stuff.

Dirk said, “When I snap my fingers, you will come out. You will not remember what just happened here until someone says the code phrase ‘Mother Superior jumped the gun’.”  He paused. “Snap,” he said as he did that.

Jake jolted. He immediately took off his dirty glasses.

“Gadzooks, my rifle struck again!” he yelled.

Jane giggled and Dirk smirked.  Jake took out his handkerchief and wiped his glasses.

“I feel sore and strange,” he said.

Dirk’s smirk disappeared. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I may feel a like discombobulated, but I have the lovely glow that comes only from top-quality love making.” He yawned. “Would you mind if I slept?”

Jane yawned. “I feel like sleeping too.”

“Then come in! We’ll all have a sleeping party here!”

“I’m not sleepy,” Dirk said.

“Blast it, I command you to cuddle!”

“Back to your bully ways, huh?”

So they all spooned with Jake in the middle.

“Thank you, my friends,” he said yawning. He fell right asleep.

They all woke up when the front door opened loudly.

“Hey guys!” called Roxy from downstairs, “The science conference was total snoozecity so I came home early! What’s exciting here?”

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. Title inspired by “The Manchurian Candidate” (1964). The captured soldiers are hypnotized to think they’re at a ladies’ gardening club.  
> 2\. This takes place after the Game. All the Alpha kids live together in a polyamorous relationship. Jake is Jane, Dirk, and Roxy’s boyfriend, but except for Roxy and Jane they aren’t together with each other.  
> 3\. I haven’t seen all of the remake, but the original “The Manchurian Candidate” is one of my favorite movies. I don’t think the remake could stack up.  
> 4\. I was going to get a book out on hypnosis so I could have some factoids, but eh. I’ve read about it before and I’ve been hypnotized by a stage hypnotist, so I’m not totally ignorant.  
> 5\. Midway through writing this, I realized Jake’s hypnosis fetish might not just be as case of fanfiction convenient fetishes. Jake creates a dreambubble Dirk who wants to use his mind powers to give Jake a boner. What we fear is sometimes what we secretly want.  
> 6\. I wasn’t expecting to write so much about the actually sex but instead make it mostly about kink discovery and negotiation, but I’m glad I did.  
> 7\. No, I didn’t forget Roxy until the last moment. I just thought it was interesting that even though they are all in a relationship Roxy isn’t involved. Poor girl, missing the whole thing. At least she got to be recognized as a scientist and not just a party girl.


End file.
